A Lesson in Corporate Ingenuity

[Larry]

When will they ever learn?!

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese team won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1
person rowing. So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not
enough people were rowing. To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the American's rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 Steering Supervisors, 3 Area Steering Superintendents and 1 Assistant Superintendent Steering Manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India.

[50scars]

I just came home from my Nieces Wedding. She and her husband are about to graduate from Warton(SP?) Business School with MBAs. I consider the MBA to be the scourge of American Business.
The wedding had the potential to really be neat--except the wedding contractors did the normal things that wedding contractors seem to always do--SCREW UP!! Most of them manage to hide their errors so only the people who scheduled things know that they goofed. In this case, the goofs were obvious to all who were there.
They had it at the zoo. They hired busses to bring the guests from the hotel to the zoo. The bus drivers didn't know where the Zoo was, and got lost, ran around for an hour--delaying the wedding. How in the heck do you live in a city, and not know where the zoo is? Every wedding I have ever been to, the groom's men are ushers, and they actually have some idea what they are supposed to do. Not this one. It was "festival seating" --anyone who has been to a rock concert knows what that is--open the gates, and everyone for themselves. They ran out of seats in the room. I mean they were about 50% short. When you live where I do, and you post your wedding notice on the board down at the grocery store, I can see where that could happen, but when 95 of your 110 guests flew in, and stayed at the designated hotel, you know how many are going to be there. I've been around churches for most of my 60 plus years. Never met a preacher who was inconvenienced by a dead sound system. Until this one.
Then there were the things they just didn't consider--like when you are in your early 20s, and live in a big city, you get real used to walking great distances. When you are in your 60s, and live where you park your car at the door, no matter where you go, walking a mile, on uneven ground, in heels, mostly up hill, is a real chore. Especially when some of us have health problems such that we get the card to hang on the mirror. You'd think MBAs would think to have at least wheel chairs, or golf carts. It isn't like they were about to run out of money for this shindig.
When my dad was hiring engineers, the first thing he wanted to see was their tool box. Few of the young engineers I meet today can identify tools, let alone own any. they can run the computer just fine, though.

[Larry]

A wedding at a zoo.... I hope no monkeys were throwing their.... well, you know! Perhaps it is a sign of things to come.
Sounds like my ex-brother-in-law's wedding where "their song" was "Bridge Over Troubled Waters"... boy, did that ever turn out to be true!
Young peoples' tool boxes... isn't that a lap top with a cord to plug into something somewhere? That's how they just fixed my Dodge Dakota-- engine light came on, no code was shown, shut off the light, it must be OK 'cause the computer said so. I'll let you know in about 1000 miles... perhaps I'll call you from the side of the road as I wait for the meat hook.

[50scars]

The deed was done at the Tree House--named because they had some trees growing in it. The Party was in the Primate (Monkey) House--It had large windows between the different levels of primates--us and them. Thankfully, the monkeys have very definate tastes in music, limiting the use of some of the more objectionable modern racket that is called music now days.
Fixed it by turning the light off. That is like the guy who comes and kicks the machine, and presents a bill. When asked how he can do that, he itemized the bill--kicking the machine $5, knowing where to kick the machine, $50.